A Knock at the Door and A Cold Handshake.

I'm laying in bed thinking about politics. And policy. And sex. And how they're all the same thing and how none of them really matter.


Because I met death when I was twelve.

Death came to me in August. In the basement of my Aunt's house. I was 2 states away and still Death came to warn me.
"I'm going to take him," said Death.

And approximately 29 hours later Death kept her word. And she took you, my silent love.

I know a woman was the one who took you away. Because only a woman could carry you home and only a woman could let Hitler die.

Silent love, I wish I would have known you were my everything before Death stopped by to shake my hand.

When I opened the door and Death was standing there her face was blank but her eyes were alive. And the hissing didn't stop her from brushing the hair from out of my eyes. If anything it made it all the easier. I stood still.

But in reality I was gnashing my teeth. I hit the ground and I fought. I left claw marks in the hardwood floors and bite marks on Death's arms. I was an animal and Death was trying to constrain me.  But when I lost you I had nothing to lose because nothing mattered. Only you, my silent love. And I want you to know that I fought for you, in reality.

But I stood still.

And I still don't know if you can read blogs in heaven.

Esther.