"Ah"

BREATHE IN.


I used to jump every time I closed my eyes because you were always there, where you weren't supposed to be. But it's been over two years now, you know. And now I greet you in the darkness with a simple, "you again."

I'm trying to tell you that I think about you.

Because I think about you more than peanut butter thinks about jelly. Because peanut butter has bananas on its mind sometimes, and occasionally it thinks about honey. But you're all I have. You're the only one on the inside of my eyelids.

Ah.
I could go on about how I think about you-like orphans think about their parents and like teen boys apparently think about sex. Like Dora thinks about how she never knows which way to go. Like Dora thinks about Map, and how Map thinks about the lyrics to his stupid song.

I think about you more than I think about Dora the Explorer, I hope. It's hard sometimes.

Because even when I'm thinking about Dora I'm thinking about you.

I'm thinking about you like mountains think about becoming volcanoes, and how thats nearly impossible.

And I'm thinking about the nights we snuck out. The night we jumped in the river. I'm thinking about the night you called me "almost cute" and I mocked you. I was mocking myself, wasn't I?

I'm thinking about the places we've kissed. Like my room and your room and Parker Jones's older brother's room. And once when you were on the phone with your mom. It was weird. But I'm thinking about it like I'm thinking about you.


I'm thinking about you like like like like like like.

Like wrists think about bleeding.
Like beauty thinks about sleeping.
Like Eve thought about leaving.


Ah.
I'm thinking about you.
I'm thinking about you.
I'm thinking about you.

Like I hope you're thinking about me.

BREATHE OUT.


ESTHER.